I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
