my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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