News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
