are you still at the devil's house?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
