Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
