Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
