You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Houston, we have a squirter
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
