We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
