Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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