I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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