Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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