I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
