I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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