Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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