Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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