The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
