Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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