dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
