No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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