I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
