In the future we'll all be gay
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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