So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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