He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
