If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
