good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i believe in u and ur pee
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
