4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
