I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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