I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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