she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
