Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
