I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
