What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
