End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
