The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Found your dick twin last night
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize