I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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