forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
