ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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