At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
