you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize