the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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