So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
