She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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