i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
