So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
