whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
