**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
