Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
