Don't make out with my wife yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
