I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Mom said you looked used
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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