"it" just moved
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
