I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
