i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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