This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How naked do you want me to be?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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