I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
