just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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