I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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