i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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