The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
