fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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