One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
