I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
