is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
