Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
