the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
